"We've had bad luck with our kids - they've all grown up." ~Christopher Morley
It seems like only yesterday that my first daughter was born. I know that's such a cliched statement, seeming like only yesterday and all, but it's true. I was 19 when my first child was born and 28 when the last one came into the world. I had a really hard time with my first daughter Evie because she was so collicky and I was practically a baby myself, so I had absolutely no clue what I was doing with her. People that say that your maternal instincts kick in from the time you give birth is telling a straight lie. Sure you know how to do all the common sense things, but it's the collicky nights of baby screams that you wish you were really equipped to handle. A year later came Savannah. She was such an angel. Two years after that came Hannah, a perfectly behaved baby, and then 3 years after that... came Adrian, my son. He was a near perfect baby, but his toddler years have proven to be a sadistic maniacal laugh in comparison. I'm not going to lie. I have said the old, "God, when are y'all gonna grow up and quit being so difficult?", but now that my son is going into Pre-K this August, I totally can admit that I wish I could take it back. Now that I'm older and more mature, I don't want my kids to grow up. I don't long for the freedom that I wished for when I was much younger. I actually feel stupid for ever uttering the words!
This morning I woke up as my husband was getting ready for work (6:30 am and the time I will be getting up to get my kids off to school when it starts back) and freaked out inside because my last baby is going off to school and he will no longer be just mine ever again. I have no more babies. I never felt this way with the other ones because whenever one would go off to school, I still had a baby at home with me. But now that I can't have anymore kids, this is it. My baby is leaving me. I'm so happy for him because I know he will love it and he's so smart that he will dazzle everyone, but what am I going to do? How am I going to be able to handle life now that I am losing a piece of what has defined me for 12 years? People say I will enjoy it and I'm sure I will, but I'm not ready for this. I'm not ready to let go. Oh lord, if I'm this bad about Pre-K what am i going to do when my kids go off to college and REALLY leave?
I just wanted to write this to let all you moms and dads know that raising children is not an easy feat. The best things in life take hard work and tears and many sleepless nights. But enjoy your kidsa while you have them because I never thought that 12 years would fly by so fast. It's like that old country song says, "You're gonna miss this, you're gonna want this back, you're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast, these are some good times, take a good look around, you may not know it now, but you're gonna miss this."